Comments on: Story-a-Week #3 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/ Learning about the world and animation, written by Tomas Jech Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:46:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: tomjech http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4849 tomjech Tue, 24 Feb 2009 08:59:44 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4849 Hey Shib, that poem does have a similar feel. Thanks! Hey Shib, that poem does have a similar feel. Thanks!

]]> By: Shib http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4837 Shib Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:24:54 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4837 U r inspiring me..im thiking of opening a blog with my writings.That will be a healthy excercise for mind.hmm..Lets see.. U r inspiring me..im thiking of opening a blog with my writings.That will be a healthy excercise for mind.hmm..Lets see..

]]> By: Shib http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4835 Shib Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:20:53 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4835 Have u read The Listeners,a poem by Walter de la Mare? First part of this story was reminding me of that poem..nice work! Have u read The Listeners,a poem by Walter de la Mare? First part of this story was reminding me of that poem..nice work!

]]> By: J. Martin http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4800 J. Martin Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:16:52 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4800 Yeah :-))) I just love good writing. Yeah :-)))

I just love good writing.

]]> By: tomjech http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4795 tomjech Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:01:51 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4795 Thank you, Jay! Really good call. Totally works better that way. I've put up a revision. I'll keep the old ending here for reference: ** “POTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATO!!!” Ned relentlessly continued to scream the word faster and faster like an engine, until the world itself was lost within it’s own repitition. Kyle stumbled and redoubled his efforts, startled from Ned’s outburst. He could hear the men on the bridge now, calling and waving to them. They had made it. ** Thank you, Jay! Really good call. Totally works better that way. I’ve put up a revision. I’ll keep the old ending here for reference:
**
“POTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATOPOTATO!!!” Ned relentlessly continued to scream the word faster and faster like an engine, until the world itself was lost within it’s own repitition. Kyle stumbled and redoubled his efforts, startled from Ned’s outburst. He could hear the men on the bridge now, calling and waving to them. They had made it.
**

]]> By: J. Martin http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4741 J. Martin Mon, 23 Feb 2009 11:42:58 +0000 http://tomjech.com/blog/2009/02/23/story-a-week-3/#comment-4741 I like the terseness of your story-a-week pieces, and especially how you manage to resist the urge to explain. Here, with the exception of the very last sentence—if you, e.g., strengthened in the next-to-last sentence the implied cause just a little bit as to why the calling and waving comes through (the air around them getting back to normal), I don’t think you’d need that last sentence at all. Also, you’d be able to dispense with the “now” in that next-to-last sentence, which breaks the flow a wee bit. Anyways. Keep it coming! :-) I like the terseness of your story-a-week pieces, and especially how you manage to resist the urge to explain. Here, with the exception of the very last sentence—if you, e.g., strengthened in the next-to-last sentence the implied cause just a little bit as to why the calling and waving comes through (the air around them getting back to normal), I don’t think you’d need that last sentence at all. Also, you’d be able to dispense with the “now” in that next-to-last sentence, which breaks the flow a wee bit.

Anyways. Keep it coming! :-)

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